Biggest Lies Heard by Technical Writers

  • I’ll take it along and read it on the plane.
  • I’ll read it over the weekend.
  • I’ll return this to you, with my comments, by the end of the week?
  • On Monday: We need it by Friday (after doing a little digging, you discover that they’ve known about this project for 6 weeks, but are only getting around to telling you now. More digging reveals that they can really wait until next week).
  • Nobody reads the manuals, anyway!
  • Code will be frozen 12 weeks before your document is due.
  • There’s plenty of time in the schedule for these changes.
  • I don’t really have an opinion on how you labelled those controls.
  • One space, two spaces. It doesn’t matter to me.
  • We’re ordering you a faster computer and a 21″ monitor tomorrow.
  • Our company takes great pride in its technical documentation.
  • We’ve never had any complaints about our documentation.
  • You’ll have the full support of upper management.
  • We’re very committed here to producing top of the line documentation.
  • Our TWs are respected members of the development team.
  • You’ll have the opportunity to learn the latest tools here.
  • We’re going to be moving to online documentation within the next six months.
  • What do you mean you need to know the product name now? Can’t you just do a search and replace right before you go to the printer?
  • Nobody expects you to take notes or write up the minutes if you attend our development meetings.
  • The style guide covers every possible situation.
  • The manual is the first thing that the user goes to after installing the product.
  • Our readers always notice and care deeply if there are two spaces after a period, if bullets are square instead of round, and if the font is Verdana instead of Arial.
  • Your pay is within close range of the developer’s.
  • You’ll never perform a non-writing task.
  • Designers and developers will ask for and respect your opinion on GUI design,layout, and functionality.
  • You should having a fully-functional product in your hands in plenty of time to complete your document.
  • Don’t worry. Your document probably will not need to be translated.
  • The product’s so intuitive, it practically writes the manual itself.
  • Nobody here is going to offer anything but constructive criticism about your work. There are no ego problems. We’re a team.
  • Your computer and software is every bit up-to-date as the ones they have in Engineering.
  • You won’t be thought of as a nuisance by the SME’s. They accept that you’re a peer and respect that you have a job to do.
  • You don’t need to know anything about a computer except how to turn it on and work the word processor.
  • The work is simple. Just write down what the thing does and how to do it.
  • Oh, there’s just one major feature change and some bug fixes.
  • Don’t worry…
  • This is the latest copy…
  • It’s still in review…
  • It’s at the printer…
  • It’s due back from the printer today…
  • We’re going to make the deadline…
  • This is the latest copy of the software.
  • Take it from me, this is how the feature is going to work.
  • All the information you need is in the specs.
  • Don’t worry. You’ll get my comments on your manual tomorrow. I swear.
  • The procedure should only take a page, two at the most.
  • No rush.
  • We are an equal opportunity employer.
  • We’re all just one big happy family.
  • We have no lawsuits pending.
  • Our stock options are growing and you can purchase on the employee plan.
  • Communication is our priority.
  • Teamwork is our middle name.
  • The software is frozen.
  • I’d make that more abstract. We’ll make sure you have everything you need to get the job done.
  • As the tech writer at our company, you will have full, unrestricted access to the devolopment team’s time and resources.

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